Filter by theme

Filter by Location

The Beast Outside

What it feels like to be locked inside and isolated.

Being stuck indoors is like a prison. It’s like we have nowhere to go and it’s like ‘they’ (as in the governor of NJ) forbid us to even step outside. Our safety always has to come first. Even in an emergency, we have to know exactly what to do when we leave the house to stay safe. We’ve been quarantined for 3 months and everywhere we look – the cinemas, the grocery store, pools – they are all closed and it’s all because of a certain thing (this certain thing is the virus that is spreading around) which is keeping us from going to those places, places that we love going to. While wild animals may be ‘comfortable’ in the woods with this ‘thing’, we, the prey, are not comfortable with this ‘thing’ for we don’t feel safe whenever we step outside so we protect ourselves from ‘not getting snatched up’.

I haven’t been able to get enough sleep and it’s been messing with my schedule. I can no longer wake up at 8 am like I’m supposed to. Now I wake up at 9 or even 10. I hear the noises that are outside where I live tend to be loud, but I’m not able to go outside as regularly as I want to which makes me feel irritated but also longing. If I can keep quiet and be in my thoughts, I can visualize a beautiful sunset with butterflies everywhere. This is what I think about when, alone in my thoughts, this ‘beast’ that is spreading within the outdoors is temporarily gone in my thoughts. But when I open my eyes, I’m able to go back to reality – and the ‘beast’ is back.

These days, I can’t see my friends anymore and it is messing with my insecurity because my friends help me get through my problems and they can be there for me whenever times are tough. I miss my friends a lot and when I do go back to school in the fall, I’ll be able to hug them again, but now I can’t. What is the point of being quarantined when you know that you can’t be able to see those you love the most?
Being a ‘prey’ within my house feels scary, I don’t have the courage to go into the outside world and just be me, and being this way while I’m inside my home, just makes me feel anxious and not able to do the things I want but when I’m with my family, I feel safe, I feel happy, I feel at ease because I don’t have to fear about what’s been going on anymore. All I have to do is just stay protected and I’ll be okay. 

The ‘beast’ has its way of knowing how to ruin the fun… But I’m not allowing it to mess with my fun…. Whether it’s with my family or it’s with my friends, either way… the ‘beast outdoors’ has to go. I don’t know when it will go away.  All I know is that I have hope. 

Being with family is the best thing I could ever ask for. My family is there to protect and guide me no matter what challenge I have to face so I won’t be able to do anything on my own without the help of those that love and care for me the most. The love I have for my family is beyond that because I have to put them first before anything else.