Ode to the Old Days

I dream
I dream of the days that are no more
The days that I swore I hated 

The breeze that pricked my skin
The slight burn of heat creeping down my neck
Warming me up, from the treacherous winter cold
The crunching under my feet does little to stop the crippling anxiety of slipping on ice
The grass was no more than a thin sheet of white paper
My naked hands turning blue
I swore I hated it all

The walks into the prison (school)
The security check that continued to petrify me
knowing I had nothing but my mind telling me I did
The marble floored hallways
I swore I hated them

Waving good morning to my nurse
Entering into the lunch room
Spotting my crew and feeling better about coming
I swore I hated it

The thick binders that dragged me down
The teacher adding even more pages into said binder
The “brain breaks” during double period class
The student intern that found every reason to come sit at my table
I swore I hated it all

The teacher adding even more pages into said binder
The thick binders that dragged me down
The “brain breaks” during double period class
The student intern that found every reason to come sit at my table
I swore I hated it all

The last period class filled with class discussions
Vulnerability
Peace
And Understanding
Ahh, No, I loved that one

The walk back home with my friends
Stopping at the corner store
Maybe get a sandwich, or cookies or gushers
It depended on how much I had 
Cracking jokes at each other
Talking about our day and failed tests
I swore I hated it

Walking into south orange
Going to the family owned chinese food restaurant
Then off to starbucks for a mocha cookie crumble, with 7 mocha pumps
Then over to Cold Stone for a cookie lover's ice cream
Knowing pretty darn well I was lactose intolerant
I swore I hated it all

But now it’s all just a distant dream 
That I want so badly to never wake up from
But I know that I’ve already awoken
And now reality hits
I must say goodbye to life that I thought I knew
And enter into the new normal
One where 6 feet determines our ability to keep friends
And face to face means chatting over a dense computer screen 

I swore I hated it,
I really did,
But why does saying goodbye hurt now?